I think I treat being overweight like wearing a protective shield. I let it hold me back, but at the same time, its very comfortable and safe. It gives me an excuse to not go out and do something, or to not date, because lets face it, I am very scared of failure, and I am even more afraid of rejection. I cant tell you how many times I have been invited out by friends to go to a club, or to go for a hike, and I always come up with an excuse because in the back of my mind I am thinking of how out of place I will feel. I have a lot of pretty, skinny friends, and I constantly feel inferior when I am with them. I always compare myself to them, I don't fell worthy of being around them, and I often wonder if other people are watching me and thinking "what is she doing in that group, she doesn't fit in at all." So overall being overweight sucks, but then it does have its advantages, it protects me from having to take risks, it lets me just be the funny fat girl who doesn't have any pressure to "look hot" all the time, and it lets me be alone sometimes. All of these things are what keeps me where I'm at. Change is scary, and I hate the part of the weight loss journey where everyone is asking how its going, and how much Ive lost, and how much I weigh, these are not normal questions! People don't just ask a fit person how much they weigh, or how much they want to lose, they just let them be. Because being fit and skinny is normal, and being fat is a whole other story.
I think its time that I start working on my fears and embrace the change. I need to give the world a big fuck you, and just do it for me, because the part of me that wants to fit in, and be normal is ready to fuck shit up in this life. I need to challenge myself to get out more, expand my social circle and become the girl that I have always waned to be. The fun, flirty, fit and fashionable bitch that I know I can be, and that I know is inside of me, I just need to figure out a way to unzip the fat suit.
Weigh in tomorrow! This week hasn't been great but I hope I am down a bit!
-1year of no fear
Sunday 29 June 2014
Monday 23 June 2014
Day 1
Today is the first day of my 1 year journey to lose 100 lbs and so far I am feeling great! I weighed in this morning at 256 lbs, so that is my starting weight for this whole process. Being that it is my first day, I would like to talk about a few things that brought me to this place, and make a list of reasons why I want to lose the weight.
1. I am sweaty. All. The. Time. No matter what I am doing I always feel hot and sweaty and I am over it! I want to be able to climb some stairs without breathing hard, and starting to sweat. I want to be able to go for a run and not start pouring sweat from every orifice in my body.
2. I want to be able to eat in front of other people. I am sick and tired of thinking that eating in front of friends or family is a bad thing, I always think that everyone is looking at me, judging me for being the fat girl, and thinking that I shouldn't be eating, even if it is something healthy. I want to be able to order fries, or a get a Slurpee, and not have people look at me like I am a gigantic fat slob.
3. I want to be able to cross my legs.
4. I want to be more comfortable when sitting down. I am always self conscious of how my body looks when I am sitting down, especially if someone is taking a picture of me, I always hide in the back and I never sit in the front.
5. I would love to be able to walk into a store and buy things that I like, and not whatever actually fits me. I want to be able to shop in the main section of stores and not the plus sized area, the clothes are always so ugly, and never on trend.
6. I want to be able to wear shorts in the summer, and not have to worry about my cellulite, chafing and them always riding up.
7. I want to feel attractive, and have confidence.
8. I want to be able to wear a bathing suit and go to the beach or a pool.
9. I want to feel like I fit in with my family.
10. I don't want to be the biggest person every time I walk into a room.
I'm sure there are a lot more, I will add to this list as I discover new things!
Today I am going to eat healthy, and maybe go for a bike ride after work, wish me luck!
-1 year of no fear
1. I am sweaty. All. The. Time. No matter what I am doing I always feel hot and sweaty and I am over it! I want to be able to climb some stairs without breathing hard, and starting to sweat. I want to be able to go for a run and not start pouring sweat from every orifice in my body.
2. I want to be able to eat in front of other people. I am sick and tired of thinking that eating in front of friends or family is a bad thing, I always think that everyone is looking at me, judging me for being the fat girl, and thinking that I shouldn't be eating, even if it is something healthy. I want to be able to order fries, or a get a Slurpee, and not have people look at me like I am a gigantic fat slob.
3. I want to be able to cross my legs.
4. I want to be more comfortable when sitting down. I am always self conscious of how my body looks when I am sitting down, especially if someone is taking a picture of me, I always hide in the back and I never sit in the front.
5. I would love to be able to walk into a store and buy things that I like, and not whatever actually fits me. I want to be able to shop in the main section of stores and not the plus sized area, the clothes are always so ugly, and never on trend.
6. I want to be able to wear shorts in the summer, and not have to worry about my cellulite, chafing and them always riding up.
7. I want to feel attractive, and have confidence.
8. I want to be able to wear a bathing suit and go to the beach or a pool.
9. I want to feel like I fit in with my family.
10. I don't want to be the biggest person every time I walk into a room.
I'm sure there are a lot more, I will add to this list as I discover new things!
Today I am going to eat healthy, and maybe go for a bike ride after work, wish me luck!
-1 year of no fear
Sunday 22 June 2014
Getting Started
Alright, so cutting right to the chase, I wanted to share some before pics so I have a visual comparison for after I have lost the weight.
So my starting weight is 260 lbs.
My goal weight loss goal for this year is 160 lbs or less.
My weigh in`s will be on Monday mornings, and I will also include some measuements later if I can find a cloth measuring tape!
So I just took some pics of me in the mirror, I will post more later, but just so you have an idea, here they are:
My first weigh in is tomorrow morning! Soooo get excited!!!
So my starting weight is 260 lbs.
My goal weight loss goal for this year is 160 lbs or less.
My weigh in`s will be on Monday mornings, and I will also include some measuements later if I can find a cloth measuring tape!
So I just took some pics of me in the mirror, I will post more later, but just so you have an idea, here they are:
My first weigh in is tomorrow morning! Soooo get excited!!!
Hey Girl Heyyyyy
I am giving myself 1 year to change everything. I have been unhealthy for about 10 years now and I think enough is enough. Its time to stop being afraid to change, afraid to commit and afraid to live my life. I cant let my weight hold me back any longer, and that is why I am embarking on this year long journey to discovering the girl in the fat suit, its time to unzip and become the smart, pretty, creative person that I know I can be, I just gotta step away from the cake and commit to 100% of myself to my goal of losing 100 lbs in 1year. That's right, I am giving myself 365 days to become a totally transformed human being. 1 year to lose the weight, change my eating habits and maybe become a better athlete in the process.
A little bit about me-
I am a 21 year old student, currently studying Interior Design and Architecture in Alberta Canada. I have lovely parents and one brother, who are conveniently super skinny and athletic. I am the one black sheep of my family. I stick out like a sore thumb because of my weight, and deep down I have always resented how easy it is for the rest of my family to stay stick thin while eating whatever they want. This has made for a long few years of hiding my body, pretending to work out and eat healthy while also gaining more and more weight.
When I was young I was always thin, I had no problem with food or exercise and I was a very active person. But as I grew into my teens I started to realise that I was "growing" wider than I was taller, and that I was starting to become bigger than the other kids in my grade, and by the time I was 16, I weighed about 190 lbs. My mom, being the skinny biotch that she is, started grilling me in the car one day. She started yelling and complaining that I was gaining weight too quickly and that if I didn't do something about it, I would be too far gone and not worthy of anybodies help. I of course had a break down and started sobbing to a point of almost throwing up, and the hard part was that I knew she was right, I just no longer knew what to do to save myself. So the next day, my mom dragged me into our local Herbal Magic and signed me up for the program. It started going very well and I actually lost about 20 pounds, and I thought I had finally found a solution and that I was going to be ``cured``of my fatness. Then I began to get lazy, I stopped going in for my weigh ins and I slowly started to develop my old habits again. See, I have this thing where after I lose a bunch of weight I get totally complacent, I stop weighing myself, I stop working out and I completely lose track of everything I accomplished, this leads me to gain back everything I lost, and then some.
Last September I weighed 256.6 lbs at my heaviest. I started a weight loss plan that was actually quite effective, and I began a running program that helped me to lose almost 40 lbs. Around Christmas the food sort of threw me off track and I lost all touch with my initial goals, this started me on a path to gaining it all back. I am now back up to 260 lbs, and needless to say I am ready for a more permanent change. All I need is a little will power, some motivation and a serious amount of determination. I also need to make sure everything I choose to do is realistic and can be implemented for the rest of my life. I am definitely not willing to eat 1200 calories a day for the rest of my life and I wont be working out 24-7, so I don't see the point in starving myself and going crazy for a few months. I want to do this the healthy way, I want to change my life because the one I have is no longer working for me.
I am hoping that this blog will help me to break the cycle. I want it to help keep me accountable while also giving me a place to vent. I want to post my weekly weigh ins, my struggles and my triumphs so that when this is all over I can look back and see the changes I have made, and see the person I used to be, and use it for inspiration to never let it happen again. Because let me tell you, where I am now is not a good place, and I never want to be here again.
-the girl in the fat suit
A little bit about me-
I am a 21 year old student, currently studying Interior Design and Architecture in Alberta Canada. I have lovely parents and one brother, who are conveniently super skinny and athletic. I am the one black sheep of my family. I stick out like a sore thumb because of my weight, and deep down I have always resented how easy it is for the rest of my family to stay stick thin while eating whatever they want. This has made for a long few years of hiding my body, pretending to work out and eat healthy while also gaining more and more weight.
When I was young I was always thin, I had no problem with food or exercise and I was a very active person. But as I grew into my teens I started to realise that I was "growing" wider than I was taller, and that I was starting to become bigger than the other kids in my grade, and by the time I was 16, I weighed about 190 lbs. My mom, being the skinny biotch that she is, started grilling me in the car one day. She started yelling and complaining that I was gaining weight too quickly and that if I didn't do something about it, I would be too far gone and not worthy of anybodies help. I of course had a break down and started sobbing to a point of almost throwing up, and the hard part was that I knew she was right, I just no longer knew what to do to save myself. So the next day, my mom dragged me into our local Herbal Magic and signed me up for the program. It started going very well and I actually lost about 20 pounds, and I thought I had finally found a solution and that I was going to be ``cured``of my fatness. Then I began to get lazy, I stopped going in for my weigh ins and I slowly started to develop my old habits again. See, I have this thing where after I lose a bunch of weight I get totally complacent, I stop weighing myself, I stop working out and I completely lose track of everything I accomplished, this leads me to gain back everything I lost, and then some.
Last September I weighed 256.6 lbs at my heaviest. I started a weight loss plan that was actually quite effective, and I began a running program that helped me to lose almost 40 lbs. Around Christmas the food sort of threw me off track and I lost all touch with my initial goals, this started me on a path to gaining it all back. I am now back up to 260 lbs, and needless to say I am ready for a more permanent change. All I need is a little will power, some motivation and a serious amount of determination. I also need to make sure everything I choose to do is realistic and can be implemented for the rest of my life. I am definitely not willing to eat 1200 calories a day for the rest of my life and I wont be working out 24-7, so I don't see the point in starving myself and going crazy for a few months. I want to do this the healthy way, I want to change my life because the one I have is no longer working for me.
I am hoping that this blog will help me to break the cycle. I want it to help keep me accountable while also giving me a place to vent. I want to post my weekly weigh ins, my struggles and my triumphs so that when this is all over I can look back and see the changes I have made, and see the person I used to be, and use it for inspiration to never let it happen again. Because let me tell you, where I am now is not a good place, and I never want to be here again.
-the girl in the fat suit
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