The Fear's of Weight Loss

I think I treat being overweight like wearing a protective shield. I let it hold me back, but at the same time, its very comfortable and safe. It gives me an excuse to not go out and do something, or to not date, because lets face it, I am very scared of failure, and I am even more afraid of rejection. I cant tell you how many times I have been invited out by friends to go to a club, or to go for a hike, and I always come up with an excuse because in the back of my mind I am thinking of how out of place I will feel. I have a lot of pretty, skinny friends, and I constantly feel inferior when I am with them. I always compare myself to them, I don't fell worthy of being around them, and I often wonder if other people are watching me and thinking "what is she doing in that group, she doesn't fit in at all." So overall being overweight sucks, but then it does have its advantages, it protects me from having to take risks, it lets me just be the funny fat girl who doesn't have any pressure to "look hot" all the time, and it lets me be alone sometimes. All of these things are what keeps me where I'm at. Change is scary, and I hate the part of the weight loss journey where everyone is asking how its going, and how much Ive lost, and how much I weigh, these are not normal questions! People don't just ask a fit person how much they weigh, or how much they want to lose, they just let them be. Because being fit and skinny is normal, and being fat is a whole other story.

I think its time that I start working on my fears and embrace the change. I need to give the world a big fuck you, and just do it for me, because the part of me that wants to fit in, and be normal is ready to fuck shit up in this life. I need to challenge myself to get out more, expand my social circle and become the girl that I have always waned to be. The fun, flirty, fit and fashionable bitch that I know I can be, and that I know is inside of me, I just need to figure out a way to unzip the fat suit.

Weigh in tomorrow! This week hasn't been great but I hope I am down a bit!

-1year of no fear